Understanding the Cosmos
by 4810
Summary: Sometimes to understand yourself, you need to go back to where you started. For Jack, that place is with Yusei. Kingcrabshipping. Incomplete
1. Chapter 1

Title: Understanding the Cosmos

Pairing: Jack/Yusei

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Sometimes to understand yourself, you need to go back to where you started. For Jack, that place is with Yusei.

* * *

Crow and Kiryu had long since retired to bed – it had been a long day, and they were all feeling the effects. Jack was pretty sure he was going to crash hard too, as soon as the adrenaline pumping through his body wore off, but he wasn't quite there yet. Yusei was still up as well, sitting at his side, though Jack imagined he must be just as exhausted as the other two. It'd been a difficult, drawn out hunt, followed by an even more drawn out, difficult duel, but Team Satisfaction's undefeated legacy still stood; would surely continue to stand.

Today now marked the day that Team Satisfaction had conquered over half of Satellite, more black marker than white on their map, and suddenly this mission they'd taken on – a mission that had once felt like little more than a pipe dream – seemed more within their reach than they'd ever imagined. Halfway there – they'd reached the top of the mountain, and all that was left was the climb down.

The thought left Jack's spirit burning.

Yusei seemed much calmer about the whole thing, but that was nothing unusual. Since childhood, Yusei had always been this way, a steady pillar of calm with a good head on his shoulders who liked to sit back and assess the situation before he acted. He didn't seem as excited by the events of the day, but still, he sat up with Jack by the fire they'd built hours ago to ward off the chill of the bitter Satellite winter nights.

"You should go to sleep," Jack finally told him, and his I-know-best tone was shamelessly bossy, demanding, to mask the fact that he was showing concern for another human being. "It's been a tiring day."

"Same goes for you," Yusei replied. Then after a moment, "I'm not really tired yet."

"You're always like that," Jack argued. "I say you should go to sleep. You know you'll pass out the moment you lay your head down."

Yusei gave a short, soft chuckle. "Maybe that's so."

Jack glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. Yusei's profile was lit from the orange glow of the fire, light from the flickering tongues of flame glinting off his eyes. He'd grown up, Jack suddenly noticed. He saw him every day and, as such, it had been a long time since he'd bothered to really look at Yusei. But now, doing so, he realized with a start that his features were much sharper, his eyes more shrewd, and the roundness of childhood gone from his face. He was beginning to look like an adult, and Jack wondered how he'd failed to notice until now.

He realized too late that he was now staring quite blatantly, but when Yusei's gaze caught his, he didn't bother turn away, shames and unabashedly continuing to look at him. Yusei cocked his head in lieu of a question, but they'd known one another almost their whole lives now, and that was long enough for them to be able to read one another's body language as easily as words on a page.

"You've changed," Jack said, answering the unspoken query, and Yusei smiled a rare half-smile.

"Have I? In what way?"

"You're getting older."

Yusei's smile grew, and Jack's heart gave an odd thump.

"I hope you didn't expect me to stay a child forever," he said, deadpan as ever, to the point that someone more unfamiliar with him may not have taken his comment as a joke.

Jack flushed. "Don't be idiotic. Of course I didn't. I just…" he paused, and on a whim reached out to brush his thumb along a newly-prominent cheekbone, and then down over a stronger, more defined jaw. "…just didn't notice it happening."

"Ah." Yusei nodded, and then when the fingers pressed to his face stayed where they were, he looked up again, their eyes locking. "Jack?"

Jack felt his heart quicken, and the feeling that came over him was unfamiliar, tingled in the pit of his stomach like soda bubbles. He moved his hand to fully cup Yusei's cheek, and his chest squeezed tight when Yusei's expression melted into something softer, less guarded. "Jack…"

"When…" Jack murmured, leaning in, taking Yusei's face in both hands, "When did you grow up so much?"

"Does it bother you?" Yusei asked, voice soft and eyes not leaving his.

Jack shook his head. "No," he answered honestly, and his heart felt so full of these strange, foreign emotions that it almost ached.

It was Yusei who leaned in first and pressed his lips to Jack's, the kiss chaste and gentle, almost cautious, and it reminded Jack of the way Yusei dueled an unknown opponent, taking the first turn to assess them, test the waters. Jack stared at him in bewilderment when he drew back, eyes a little hazy and face flushed.

"Yusei…" he fought to resist the urge to bring his fingers to his lips. "Why…?"

Yusei shrugged, his gaze back on Jack, unwavering and unapologetic. "You looked like you wanted to." Then, as an afterthought, added, "I did too."

He took a second to consider these words, and it dawned on Jack that that's what the strange feeling from earlier had been. Yusei wasn't wrong – he had wanted it. Wanted more.

"Show me…" Jack whispered, fingers threading through dark, gold-streaked hair. "Show me just how much you've grown up."

Yusei didn't refuse as Jack drew him closer, taking what he wanted just as Jack Atlas always did, and their mouths met again, in a clumsy clash of lips, then tongue and clicking teeth.

They both grew up a little more that night.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been over a year since he'd left behind everything he'd ever known.

The choice hadn't been a difficult one. Life in Satellite was like riding down a dead-end street – it would only have been so long before he hit that dead-end and ran out of options. There was no future in staying there, and for Jack, who was so desperate to make his own future, the only choice had been to get out. Through any means necessary.

He'd known that the others would understand why he had to do it – they wouldn't _like _it, but they'd understand. Jack's ambitions were much bigger than the tiny town – it couldn't house them, couldn't house him. And now, 14 months later, if faced with the same situation, he wouldn't hesitate to do it again. He just wasn't sure whether knowing what lay ahead of him would've made the decision easier or harder.

He had no regrets, he didn't feel guilt – the sweet taste of fame and fortune washed the bitter flavor betrayal had left in his mouth. The prestige one could obtain in Neo-Domino City made the prestige Team Satisfaction had long ago carved for themselves in Satellite look like some kind of children's playground game. This knowledge, this awareness of exactly how much he had to gain, should have made the idea of doing it over again the easiest thing in the world.

But then there were those moments of stillness, the moments when he was alone with no company other than his thoughts and memories. And he would think. About how he'd thrown away his hometown for somewhere better, his friends to become someone bigger, about how he'd made the right choice and that there was no turning back. He was no longer from Satellite. He'd cut all ties.

The D-wheel he'd stolen from Yusei had long since broken, replaced by the Wheel of Fortune, a far superior machine that wasn't slapped together from bits of junk, wasn't built from wire hangers and old bicycle parts. The small frame had been much too tiny for him, for his legs, much longer than Yusei's, and his frame, much bigger and heavier. Jack had never felt comfortable riding on it, though he wasn't sure if that was a physical or mental sensation.

Perhaps it was for the same reason he'd long since begun to leave Stardust Dragon out of his deck; as much as he told himself it was because Red Demon's Dragon was far superior, that he didn't need Stardust, deep down he felt as if the card harbored a grudge against him. The same grudge he knew Yusei must feel.

Having grown up together, Jack was very well-versed in reading Yusei's expressions. He'd mastered the poker face from quite a young age, but Jack had naturally adapted to it, learning to gauge how he felt and what he was thinking from a slight quirk of an eyebrow, or twitch of the lips. Even a small wrinkle on the skin of the bridge of his nose spoke volumes to Jack – not because he was good at reading people (he was far too self-centered to ever be good at that) but he was good at reading Yusei. To Jack, his expressionless face could say just as much as his smiles and frowns, though those faces were also locked away in his memory.

He'd seen a lot of expressions on Yusei's face – his unguarded, joyful smile when he was with his friends, the lost, painful expression he wore when a friend was hurting and he couldn't fix it. Teeth clenched and brows furrowed in anger when someone was unjust. The tiny curl at the corner of his mouth that gave him away on the rare occasion he teased someone. Flushed cheeks and parted lips when he was spread out under Jack, lidded eyes no longer able to hide just how much he wanted…

Jack bit his lip and shook his head. That had been a long time ago. Best to forget it.

But until that day over a year ago, with Rally in the boat, and Jack giving him an ultimatum, he had never seen a look that blank on Yusei's face. This was an expression Jack couldn't read. The anger following it was easy to handle, but that expression… he didn't know what it was trying to tell him, only that it made him feel smaller than he'd ever felt before.

14 months later, if faced with the same situation, he wouldn't hesitate to do it again. This time, he just wouldn't be able to look Yusei in the eye. Because Jack Atlas didn't feel regret, and he didn't feel guilt, but when he remembered that face, it was the closest he would ever come.


End file.
